Friends and Strangers

I think we need a new dictionary to describe relationships.

Are people from my church considered friends or family? And does that go for people just in my local church, or the church universal? Are the people I meet online and engage frequently in meaningful conversation friends or strangers? Are the people I considered my best friends 20 or 30 years ago still my friends today even if I hardly or never talk to them?

I'm connecting with two new communities this weekend, and even though they are probably strangers in the strict sense of the word, I feel close to them. Is that normal?

The first community is Celebrate Church in Sioux Falls, SD. I'll be sharing an intimate story with this congregation on Saturday night and Sunday morning, and I've been praying for them long before I was to meet them. I did meet the pastor, Keith Loy, in person last year. We were at a church conference, and while his kids joyfully ran all over the resort, we enjoyed dinner together with our spouses. It was awesome to hear his testimony of growing a tiny church to 3000 people, and it was clear his message of love was matched only by his actions of love. If his people are anything like their pastor, I know we'll bond.

The second community is a group of women who love to blog. On Monday this exciting new project called (in)Courage will launch; and those of us who have been invited by DaySpring to participate have been emailing and twittering and chatting on forums for several months in preparation for this exciting event. Without meeting any of them (except Holley Gerth, the Big Cheese of the whole operation), I already have a great sense of connection with them. They are good, thoughtful, funny, lovely people—and admittedly a bit zany.

You may have landed on my blog because Ginny Martyn introduced you to me. I've been reading her blog and have had my thoughts stimulated time and time again because of her willingness to articulate deep concepts. Plus, she called me a triple threat. She's my friend forever now. :)

Another new friend from this group is Robin Dance. I knew her first because we have many mutual friends (there's that word again) on Twitter. I was led to her blog because of (in)Courage, and am delighted to discover that she's not only good with 140 characters—that girl can conjure up gorgeous images when she frees herself to use 140+ sentences. (I'm a sucker for word pictures!)

So is it normal to call these people friends?

I think so. I think we've entered a new era where "small world" takes on new meaning. We can connect on a deep level with folks we meet around the world without neglecting our next-door neighbor. Treasuring old friends and near friends, new friends and virtual friends enriches our lives. How does that old ditty go? "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold."

I hope you'll connect with your church family tomorrow—and surf the net.

Church Is Not a Social Club

I once was part of a church where one of my good friend wasn't allowed to play on the church softball team (which competed against other churches in the league) because she wasn't a member. Ironically, she was gladly welcomed to teach Sunday school each week, shaping the lives of the members' children.

Given the sometimes arbitrary ways rules are applied, does church membership make any sense at all?

I posed this question on Twitter and Facebook, and heard strong opinions on both sides.

Here are some of the reasons (all of which I agree with) why people support membership:

• It encourages commitment, investment, and ownership
• It is a public pronouncement that benefits others
• It creates a strong sense of belonging
• It is mutually beneficial (for members and the church)
• It is a formal acknowledgement that you can't be a Christian alone
• It forces you to consider carefully before leaving

Here are some of the reasons why people opposed membership:

• "I feel at home at my church, but I sometimes wonder if I'm not considered as important as the members."
• "It seems to discourage independent thought."
• "It's only a formality, so not necessary."
• "I don't want to join a social club."
• "The pressure from church leaders to join was off-putting."
• "I once thought I was saved just because I was a member. I didn't know there was more to it."
• "It divides churches and denominations."

As for me, I'm an optimist. I think it's possible to enjoy all the pros of church membership while avoiding the cons.

• I believe we can truly value all people, whether or not they are members ... or even attendees.
• I believe we can probe spiritual issues deeply even as we hold to basic tenets of the faith.
• I believe the formality of membership can have great significance in people's lives.
• I believe membership creates a sense of belonging to a community that is much deeper than companionship.
• I believe church leaders can affirm people by inviting them to membership without using pressure.
• I believe truth can be communicated about the difference between membership and faith.
• I believe churches and denominations can work together even more effectively if they have a strong sense of identity based on who they are in Christ.

In the interest of full disclosure, I must say that I've been a part of the church all my life. I was baptized as an infant, made profession of faith as a young teen, and have been a church member ever since. I have served on church boards and am now married to the pastor-elect of my own local church. I may be a bit biased.

The church is intended to be a community that gathers to worship God, encourages each other in the faith, and invites others to experience God and his people. All should be welcome and valued in this place, whether they are long-term leaders or first-time visitors. If membership is introduced in such a way that it hurts others, it has lost its true purpose.

Whether we like it or not, the church is a human organization, and we need the structure that membership provides. Don't get me wrong; the church is not a social club, as if our whole purpose is to meet new people who have similar morals. Jesus himself created the church. I will not minimize it. Even so, it is run by people like you and me, and without clear guidelines, we will not have order. How can we call people to account if we have not agreed on what we believe? How can we select leaders if we don't know whether they adhere to any set of principles? Truth is not relative, and scripture is not easily interpreted.

Membership should be offered to people who would like to make a personal and public declaration of commitment to their local body and who would like to become leaders in their church. However, church leaders should be wary of pressuring others to make this step, and they should be intentional about avoiding the potential pitfalls that are sometimes associated with membership.

Regardless of how many mistakes the church makes, I am in love with this institution, and it has my undying commitment. It is because of the church that I know Christ and his love.