Good Grammar

I spent most of my weekend scanning through Webster's dictionary, trying to determine whether to insert or delete hyphens and spaces in words like pickup, facedown, and anymore, whether to use I or me, who or whom, lie or lay. Important stuff like that.

When I think about Dawn coming up her to last chemotherapy treatment, or Brian and Amy going to visit their 7 month baby who has never been out of the hospital, or Cindy mourning the death of her dear husband Larry who was one of the great men of God—the tiny little details that I have to concern myself with frankly feel inane.* Who cares whether someone says, "There are two things we know..." or "We know two things...."

And yet I want to get it right. It matters to me that the minute details are perfect, even as I realize they are not nearly so important as looking up from my work to laugh at my kids' jokes or to adjust a pillow for my injured husband or to send out an announcement to the church or to pray on behalf of trafficked victims around the world. I always go back to my tedious work though, and can't bear to send a manuscript to the publisher until I'm sure I've covered everything--even though I'm sure most people who read the book will not know or care whether it's grammatically correct.

Maybe I care about the details because in my heart of hearts, I know details matter.

It reminds me of the dream I had recently. I was praying for the continents of the world by editing html code. I was seeing each bracket that fit into another bracket that fit into another bracket, etc. The code was massive and impossible to edit alone, but I knew I had to get the code I was editing to be perfect because if even one bracket was left off, the whole thing would be distorted. I had to care about the tiny details so that the site as a whole would work.

I suppose that's why I'm good at my job. I look at the macro and the micro simultaneously. I see how one affects the other. The problem comes when I focus too much on one or the other. Looking only at the hyphens makes me forget why my work even matters; forgetting the small things makes my work sloppy and ineffective.

I need to remember this balance in every area of life. I need to see individuals and the world, my church and the Church, tedious tasks and my higher purpose.

Okay, I can go back to my editing now. I remember why I'm doing it. Thanks for letting me think out loud.

* I don't usually copy edit anymore, so maybe that's why I'm feeling reflective about this. More often I do macro editing. Macro editing looks at the big picture--judging readability, logic, structure, theology, content, etc. Copy editing is revising sentences to improve ease of reading. (Proofreading is fixing commas, capitalization, etc.)

No More Pizza Please

I couldn't believe I said it. I was the guest speaker at a mega church, and I made a mega misspeak. I was telling the story of how my husband and I met at a writer’s conference: "He was a publisher looking for an author,” I said. “Let me tell you, he found one—and he did a whole lot more than publish me." The audience burst out laughing, and I blushed. Yikes! I didn't mean for it to sound like that!

The show must go on, of course, so I continued my talk and led them from that humorous moment to a poignant awareness of God’s grace. As soon as I got to the privacy of backstage, however, I put my hands over my face and laughed at myself.

Only to discover I hadn't turned off my microphone.

The sound guy came running over and yanked the mic from my ear and the pastor gave the crowd a moment to laugh again at my second blunder.

Yes, some days are like that. Some days we just dig ourselves deeper and deeper.

Here’s the good news: The spiral effect can go the other way too. When we start doing things right, they keep getting better...

To read the rest of the post, please go to (in)courage.

Be Still

I've been having a revival. Not because I've joined a huge crowd inside a hot tent where we shouted out the name of Je-sus! (Though I have to admit I'd probably do that right now if someone invited me.) I've become intimately aware of God again by attending, of all things, a training.

Last weekend I went to the Hands of Hope training at The Wesleyan Church headquarters on how to identify and care for human trafficking victims. (The process of getting me to that event is a story in itself that reveals God's leading.) The presence of God was evident every moment of the training. (Which makes sense. Here were a group of people who were giving their sacrifice of praise by defending the weak. See what God says about that.)

But the real impact for me came after the event.

When I was driving home from the training, I started to think of the many stories I had heard. I know just a few trafficking victims personally, and that was tough enough; but suddenly I was overwhelmed with compassion for all the people I didn't know who were trapped right now, feeling hopeless and alone and scared. I wanted to save them all. I wanted to rush back to the training and to rally everyone together to take immediate action!

The logical side of me knew I couldn't do that, but the feeling wouldn't go away. And I began to wonder if we really can make any difference at all. The crime of trafficking is too big, too rampant, too organized, too desperate.

As the tears of compassion and frustration mingled, I suddenly became aware of a verse that I've known for years but had never known so beautifully: "Be still and know that I am God."

A message straight from God to me. I instantly calmed down, in awe. God sees those people I was praying for; he knows them by name. He knows the most deeply entrenched trafficker by name too. He is God. I can be still and wait for him to lead me to my next step.

I don't deserve to beg at the foot of the cross, and yet God is using me to do his work. I am a broken, sinful person, and yet I am entirely restored by the touch of God. I am free! I get to join with others to bring a radical change to our world, to free those in captivity, to overthrow the agents of darkness, to bring hope and beauty to our world. I am an abolitionist!

I started laughing. (Yes, I know I sound like a freak. I felt like I was an emotional teenager again.) With the profound knowledge of these two things, I had to laugh: I love this God who is so good and just. And he loves me.

Now, that's revival!

Pretty Things

I bought some pretty things today.

I'm not a big spender—I'm Dutch, don't forget—so to get so much all at once is rather exciting. Making things look good is fun! I remember once when I finished decorating a bathroom, I would find myself standing outside the door staring in dreamily. I like pretty things. Is that bad?

The reason I even question that is because I'm not just a girl-girl. I'm also a person who is passionate about social justice, about defending the weak, about seeking first the kingdom of God.

How do I reconcile my love of homemaking with my passion for impacting the world? How do I delight in loveliness when there is so much suffering?

I don't have any answers.

I suppose living in conflict is not a bad thing. Not comfortable, but probably healthy. God loves beauty too, and one of his dominant characteristics is his compassionate for the weak. If he does both, I can strive for that too.

~~

In case you're interested, here are the pretty things I bought:

This lovely dining set was chosen by Larry and me as our 4-year anniversary present to ourselves. Believe it or not, my manly man wanted this too; last year we bought silverware, and he wanted that too. (No wonder I'm so madly in love with him.) Each year we purchase something to build up our home. We like being home together.

This fun set I've only just begun to collect, beginning with the pitcher. (Isn't it cute?! Click on the pitcher to see the rest of the set.) I get a little bit each month--paying only shipping because I'm a writer for DaySpring's blog (in)Courage. (Gotta love it when hobbies pay off.) And I can't wait to invite over some girlfriends to enjoy it with me.

This metal wall hanging reminds us of our trip (last fall!) to upper state New York. We picked up Larry's daughter Lydia and took her to Vermont with us. The fall colors were gorgeous as we drove through the mountains, and we just didn't have time to do any shopping to find a keepsake. (We like to buy something every time we travel together...and slowly collect meaningful treasures.) I've been keeping my eyes open for something pretty all this time, and finally found it.

This wall hanging reminds us of our trip last month to Celebrate Church in Sioux Falls, Iowa. We couldn't find just the right thing on that trip either, but knew we wanted something that was beautiful, mysterious, simple, and powerful all at once ... because that was how we experienced Celebrate Church. (The caption on this picture is "Celebration" by the way, and I got it free from DaySpring too :) We don't want to forget our encounter with God there as he worked through the Church.